The Graveyard Post vol. 1

It’s January.

That’s all. That’s the whole post. See you next week.

Just kidding.

It is January though, and that’s really enough to sum up my thoughts. The nights are still long, and they’re getting colder. The weather in Canada is really settling into winter misery. The house full of tropical plants I own are enduring it— some with more grace than others.

This, my friends, is part one of a two part series I am calling “the graveyard list”.

I’m going to tell you in agonizing detail about the plants I’ve killed, and how I killed them. We’re all a little more likely to have casualties this time of year, and if you’ve laid a few of your plant friends to rest, this post will help you to know that you aren’t alone. I am sorry for your loss.

1) Golden Pothos x2

COD: mealies

I went overseas back in October to visit my husband in the UK. It was the first time since getting into plants last summer that I had really left my jungle to its own devices. I had arranged to have my dad visit and water once while I was gone. Until this point I didn’t have any issues with pests at all. I had been lucky. So lucky, I was perhaps getting a little cocky.

So, when I returned after two weeks away to two INFESTED pothos, I went into full meltdown. Not only were these two plants INFESTED, they were in hanging pots directly over top of a table filled with other plants, such as my string of pearls, monstera deliciosa, and ficus lyrata.

I got out the neem oil and went to town. The offending pothos, however, went outside. To the compost. And there they perished.

2) Majesty palm

COD: neglect, spider mites

This large, impractically sized plant was my first nursery purchase when I decided I wanted to keep tropical plants. I purchased it to give my new deck a cabana-esque feel. I did not, however, do any research on how to keep the damn thing alive. It got sun burnt. It was left to dry to a crisp. It fell over in the wind more times than I care to recount. Finally, when I started to take note of care instructions, I brought it inside and placed it in a well lit hallway. I wish I could say that I then gave it the love and attention it had been starved for, but I did not. I forgot about it. It dried up. It got spider mites. It’s sitting back on my deck now. In January.

3) Schefflera

COD: murder

Oh yes, you all know of this legendary piece of shit. I’ve written about it before. After it had lost all of its leaves (pretty much) and then threatened me with spider mites, it met a brutal end along side the palm. One day I had just had enough of its crap and scooped it up and put it outside. The cold, bitter wind stung at my cheeks, and I could almost feel the Schefflera shudder with fear as the winter wind caressed it’s remaining leaves. Then those remaining leaves dropped off the plant.

I dropped the plant on the deck, next to the palm, and stuck up my middle finger at it.

4) Small, unknown variety of fern

COD: fern

Is there really anything left to say?

Stay tuned next week for part two, where in which we discuss the plants I’m currently in the process of killing.

P.S. my low buy sucks. My local nursery got a HUGE shipment of plants AND put a bunch of their old stuff on clearance. I may have bought a couple items that broke the rules of the low buy. IM STILL ON A LOW BUY THOUGH.

2 thoughts on “The Graveyard Post vol. 1

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    1. If it was a harder to find species I might have tried harder with the pothos, but as it was, I could not be bothered! I have had minor outbreaks among the plants that had been sitting below the hanging pots, but I’ve managed to stay on top of it. I’m watching them like a hawk. Haha.


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